Well well well. I have to think about this before I write it because I don't wanna be too evident in what I am actually saying.... Haha! In other words I don't want any drama so I will not say what I really wanna say. Darn it. Sooo.... As I am about to finish one chapter in my life, I am actually closing the page in another chapter also. Not only am I done with my masters (almost), I think I am also ready to move on in other aspects of my life. When the truth comes about about things a new light shines and allows us to see the darkness that was really there. I am letting go of that darkness!!!! Finally! I cannot believe how big of an idiot I am and how big of an idiot the other person has been. I truly care for that person but OH MY GOSH! Wake up! When you find out one thing that has happened it makes you question so many more things throughout the time you had together. I will say this.... No woman deserves to be with a man who is sleeping with another woman... That's just ridiculous. Noooo woman, no matter how bad she may be deserves that!!!! Men think with their 3rd leg and I have come to the conclusion that they ALL do!!!! Come on men, you have a real brain, use it! Ok so I'm sure not all men do, I guess I could say all single men do... And they have the right to I guess because they are single they can do what they want. But if they have a woman, in no way is that right. Oh my goodness! Anyways next subject... With that said let me come out and confirm that the past 3 1/2 years of my life were NOT a game.... I would never play games with men, I'm not about that. I know some women are, but I'm not. I have also came to the conclusion that if people will talk to you about other people, they will talk to other people about you. I have never known such 2 faced people in my life, and here I am talking about no one specific, but just people. What satisfaction do you get by making up lies about someone just because things didn't go the way you wanted? Or probably didn't want anyways... Heck I don't know. I just don't like gossip and drama. I know there are people I tell my stuff too and those are people I trust, but those are also the people I would never talk about behind their back. I don't talk about too many people, but when I do, I only tell those special people that I trust, I don't do it to start rumors or drama. Why has life come to that. It's like cool or something to talk about people..... Ummm noooooo it's not. I've never been into that and I never will be. And I may not be the bravest person in the world but I will ask that if you are spreading rumors about me please stop, it's stupid. And so far none of the ones I have heard were true..... If it was true it wouldn't be a problem... But I can't take the lies. And what really gets me is that there's always 2 sides.... So I'm sure there are people who believe that crap. But all my friends and family know that it's not true... #1 I'd never cheat on someone with my daughters father.... I haven't seen the dude in 5 years!!! So why would I risk what I have right now....#2 I would never marry someone to play a game or to just try and change them... That's just idiotic. But there is one thing I can say, if you marry someone I believe both people should be able to give a little and take a little. A relationship is about 2 people not 1. When you get married, that makes you 1.... You have to think about more than just yourself.. (I'm talking to myself also.. This is just In general no specifics here)! I have to say here I have nothin to lose, I can say things now. I can say anything I want!!! Oh isn't that awesome. But I won't.... Cuz I'm a nice person. I have such a story to tell! Actually 2 or 3 and oh man I'd love to tell them.... But I can't... Just remember if you start dating someone and people constantly slam the ex..... Same thing will happen to you if you ever become the ex.... Here is something important to remember..... Never talk about your ex.... You are starting a new chapter in your life and there's no need to even bring that up... I mean maybe you can say why it didn't work, but no dissing them..... That is not classy. I do have 1 ex that I can most definitely dis.... And I have plenty of reasons... But the other, I will never say a bad word about him unless I say it to him.... And I have.... So..... Yea. I have held things in that make me wanna blow up.... I have cried over stupidity... Apparently been used.... And left crying every time, knowing that it would never work out.... But in my mind I thought maybe I could hold on in that way.... And apparently no two minds think alike...... Oh well. Life goes on... Even if sometimes we feel like it can't go on anymore.... Yes I've been there. In these times of people spreading lies and rumors, while I'm still trying to hold on to something .... I felt like life just couldn't go on, but you know what you just always have to remember life does go on. Even though I am the idiot who messed up in the first place I tried to make things work in the end.... But others had different plans and that's ok... But just remember the next time you say something about someone how much that person may have been struggling with the situation... Instead of spreading rumors or lies or gossip how about offer some encouragement. I got a card from my secret person at school and it was the best thing I have received in a long time! So inspirational. so thanks to whoever you are, you made my day, possibly my year.... You know why people kill themselves? Probably because no one offered to help.... Everyone just continues to push them over the edge..... Now no I was never that bad and I would NEVER even consider killing myself....BUUUUT, I can see why people would. No one wants to help. People would rathers be the IT who knows everything and can spread anything.... Wouldn't it be amazing to know you made the difference in just one persons life though? Why would you want to try to harm someone? You know I'm a tough person and I've held tears in numerous times in the last several months, but there are times I just haven't been able to hold them in. Sometimes life is hard but keep lookin up, you will make it through the storm!!!