I'm just gonna go ahead and warn you.... This is my first blog post that i've actually had a real computer to type on! soooooo theres no telling how long this will be! Cuz i'm a good typer... lol! Ok hmmm what do i have to talk about today? well first.... ITS RAININ!!!! WAHOOOOO! OH YEA!!! 2nd my dog just got in the barn cuz shes scared of thunder, scared the poo out of me cuz she keeps hitting the door. Aaaand i'm too scared to go out there and get her out. So guess she'll stay safe tonight. Well ya know what i have to go back to work tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY!!!! already? ok i am excited BUT i can't sleep. dont you just love it. I was so tired today and I kept thinking I cant wait til bedtime and then i kept saying well why?? i wont sleep. aaaaand here i am! There's 2 nights (maybe 3) during the year that I can't sleep! #1 this sunday cuz of work tomorrow. #2 next sunday cuz we get kids on monday.. very nerve racking! #3 the night before parent teacher conference. Especially my first year with p/t conferences. this last year wasnt so bad because i had already talked to several of the parents and knew them and talked to them often. I'm feeling this year will be the same way. I know most of my kids parents... several are past parents which is very exciting. luckily they're the ones i liked... haha! ok i like them all. :)  You know what makes me really nervous... talking to teachers that I had when i was in high school. How scary is that? HAHA! It's just intimidating because i feel like i can't mess up. even though they are teachers and know exactly how it is. Ok its not really that bad. i love it. I never thought i would be teaching MY teachers children though. how fun is that. My kindergarten teacher was the best!!!!! I just wish G could be in her class too! I interned for her and she is still amazing. She is so fun with the kiddos. I just love her to death. So drop dead diva tonight wasnt what i was expecting at all. i was kinda bored with it. but army wives was very good! I love my tv. Both of the kids were in bed by 8! Not just in bed.... but asleep! That is very odd for these 2. that never happens. So let me tell you about the PBR! How fun was that? totally fun. i loved it. The best part was flint the clown/comedian guy. he was too funny. Another good part was the beginning when they do all the fireworks and stuff anyways the bull riders were all coming out. well there were these fake bulls on the chutes that would blow smoke or fire well when they introduced the guys it would just blow smoke. well they introduced one from oklahoma and the bull blew fire.. .well it probably scorched the bull rider that was walking past it... blew his hat off and everything. I have it on video, its kinda funny but i bet he was mad. you know what else funny happened? so you know the camera guys get in the bull riders faces afer they ride to get their reactions and stuff. well i was thinkin man thats gotta be annoying! well at the end when Lostroh won he was goin up on the big thing in the middle and the camera guy was walking backwards... he ran into the ramp and fell. it was kinda funny. kinda sad but kinda funny. I'm sure the camera guys make plenty of money that people can laugh at them if they trip right?
So i've come to the conclusion that I'm perfect...... wonder if everyone thinks they are perfect or if its just me? I can't lie because i have a guilty conscience. I can't cheat cuz thats wrong. I dont do anything bad cuz thats stupid. So I'm perfect right? ok maybe not buuuuuuut I do kinda think i'm a pretty good gal. If I think anyone is mad at me... I kinda get depressed. I dont know why. It's their loss. I HATE for people to be mad at me! But why would anyone be mad at me? I'm perfect.... HAHAHAHAH JK! But really i was getting out of the shower earlier and i was thinking... you know why I'm a good kid? because my mommy and daddy made me be! One time when i was like 5 or 6 or 7 or 8..... ? I stole quarters out of my mom and dads stash to buy ALL of my sisters beef jerkey.... along with all the kids on the bus' beef jerkey.... and everyone at school's beef jerkey (this was before i was perfect haha) ..... yea around $100 or $200 maybe..... why would i do that? BECAUSE I LOVED BEEF JERKY!!!! and i still do. but i don't spend that much. I'm not even sure if i spent it all on beef jerkey.... but anyways. Here's why I'm a good kid..... because when they found out i did it... I didnt get in trouble for stealing the money... I got in trouble for lying about it! I dont think i ever got in trouble for stealing it. They knew i knew it was wrong or i wouldnt have lied about it. Yea I think I got my butt beat for lying about it. Thats why I'm a good kid! I had good parents. Wait I HAVE good parents! they still  feed me and do stuff for me and this and that. Not everyone is as lucky as me :) You know what is very weird to me though. All of my best friends from school.... have parents just like mine! We are a lucky crew. The water musta been good that year... haha! OK so i have a new favorite song. isnt it funny that everytime i write a blog i have a new favorite song? You ready to hear what it is? Its a song called "Losing" by Tenth Avenue North. I'm actually listening to it right now... make me kinda emotional. If you've never heard it you should hear it. I kinda wanna bust out singing it... but everyones asleep. It's a very touching song. Here's what he says: "Oh Father won't you forgive them... they dont know what they been doing. Oh Father give me grace to forgive them, cuz i feel like the one losing." You guys may not know this.... but i'm a very emotional person! I cry over everything. I cry at big events when the army people come out and hold the flags! I'm pathetic! I'm a whimp! I really am! I could go to funeral of a person i don't even know and i would bawl like a baby! This song makes me realize a lot of things. I really encourage you to listen. Hating someone doesnt get you anything! I have hatred in my heart for people (more than one) and I'm the one losing. You're not supposed to hate people. But sometimes you give it your all to get along with people and they don't accept it. In one case, I tried to get along....... But i am in the wrong... I talk.... i talk a lot. i don't spread rumors or nothing but sometimes people fool people and make them think they are perfect (like me lol)! And they are the exact opposite. It's when people are around that they are perfect... but behind closed doors or in a different atmosphere they are a total different person. There are some people i just dont understand. don't you wish you knew what people thought. all the time. some people i might be a little scared to be in their mind though. haha. You know on tv they have those bubbles above their head about what they are thinking.... why can't we have bubbles... haha. In case you don't know this.... i am very weird. i have very strange thoughts. but i love them. I love my brain. You know whats very weird of me. So I'm in high school right... playing basketball, softball, cross country, track, ffa, stuco... this that and everything else! And I never wanted to go to college for any of that. And up to this summer I havent wanted to do ANY of that. Well this summer somehow I started wanting to do all this stuff. I wanna play ball! I wanna own something. I wanna run a business. I wanna do this i wanna do that. Why is this just happening this summer? I'm too old now. But here's whats funny, so you watch the olympics right and they are doing the 100m and i'm like D really? I could do that!!! He said whatever. Why arent you on tv? i said ok well maybe i can't but someone can. So i see their times what was it like 9? or 11? anyways so i go get my little book full of sports stuff and i'm like see! Lauren ran it in like 11 or 13? (i cant remember now) but i'm like she could do it! He's like then why isnt she? I'm like ummm hello! We all have kids now and are a little bigger than we were then. But you know what? The olympians have had kids too. thats no excuse! Oh you know what else though. i've came up with a new olympic event..... its a race on rocks! barefoot! how funny would that be. i definitly can't walk on rocks. i can't even go barefoot in the house. i hate feet especially my own. And you know what else. They have race walking in the olympics! now thats funny! i never got to see it but I HAVE TO SEE IT! me and sara snell shoulda been on that! We used to practice race walking everyday to the gym in high school. it was so funny. the funny part was the people behind us laughing at our giggly butts! did i say giggly butts? i think i meant jiggly butts.... hahaha! anyways i'm pretty sure we coulda run that. you know what... i think ill look up a video right now! I have to see this! ok youtube was the best thing ever invented! the olympic race walking is about to begin. AHHHH AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!! really? thats not walking thats running. Wonder who judges and how they judge if they break out into a run...... i know the differences between my run and walk but i dont know that i could tell if someone else was running instead of walkin fast. It looks to me like they are running... maybe its in fast motion. i should let it load a little more. You know whats sad? did you see the girl that tripped...... AGAIN! 4 Years ago she tripped over a girl that fell. This time a girl clipped her with her knee and she fell again. talk about depressing. that had to suck. i felt so sorry for her. You know what? I may be running out of things to say. I just realized that. OK i just have to say.... these people are running..... thats ridiculous. Why is this a sport at the olympics? HAHAHAHAH! I'd have to go with ummmmm maybe i wouldnt win.... cuz if they are really walking... thats pretty fast. and i can go like 30m and be tired... its a good leg workout for sure. i couldnt imagine going a whole 400m. Ok im listening to another song now. called suitcases by dara maclean. so good! i love inspiring songs! I have to start it over and tell you what she says...  "how can you move when theyre weighing you down... what can you do when your tied to the crowd... you carry your burdens, heavy like gravity... just let them go now.... there's freedom in release..." Thats for sure. I love music! i have headphones on my head and its blaring in my ears! and i love it! "You can't run when your holding suitcases, its a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart lay down your guard you dont have to be afraid. just breathe your love can be lifted, theres a better way when you know your forgiven, open up your heart lay down your guard you dont have to be afraid"  I'm tellin you right now when you have a burden on you and you let it go! Its amazing! like she says... Theres freedom in release! Its absolutly amazing! You know who i really miss? Need to Breathe. they were my favorite band for so long! Their voices are just fascinating. And its that perfect voice that i loooooove. I can fall in love with a voice so easily.... thats why i married dustin... his voice on the phone is aaaaaamazing! haha. You know what i just realized.... when i talk about church i always say... "Trinity has the best praise and worship i have EVER been to in my life..." i just realized its because its LOUD!!! i love loud music. But really they do. if you ever want to hear good praise and worship go to trinity in siloam. its amazing. very touching. If you've never felt the holy spirit... go to church there..... It will happen! it WILL happen! I have this problem with my ears... sometimes i its like someone slams on breaks... or maybe like the radio loses signal.. and its static-y.... but its only sometimes... like i was at a need to breathe concert one time (but i had a cold) and my ears started doing that. like i will have to put my finger in one of them so no sound goes in that ear and i'm good. You know my favorite part about music? The parts where the music stops... and the person keeps singing! Like you know maybe the drums still go but the loud guitars and stuff stops and all you can hear is voice.... theres a carrie underwood song that she does that on... thats my favorite part. I bet you guys are bored now... i feel like i've been typing for hours! i love to type on a real computer its so much better then the ipad. i finally got my internet fixed. im so happy! You know what else i loved! HAHAHA! I'm listenin to adele now... i love adele... you know why... cuz apparently shes been heart broke (poor girl) but all of her songs are amazing. and of course her voice. but i love heart break songs. They make me happy instead of sad. isnt that funny. You know those songs i really love? the ones that remind me of stuff (i think i mentioned this in an earlier blog). I love people like cyndi lauper and alannis morisette (however you spell it). theres this cyndi lauper song i really love.... but i can't remember what its called.... hmmmmm. i have to find it. Somebody help me here. whats it called. so apparently its not a popular song cuz i cant find it. Oh i think i found it!!!!! Nope that wasnt it. really?? why can i not find it. i can hear it in my head. Ok "cuz i'd miss you.." thats all i can hear... this is gonna drive me crazy until i figure it out. i can hear her singing the chorus... its really fast.... ahhhH! maybe ill find it later... I just remember somethin i was gonna share with my blog family... lol! if you've read it this far you are to the juicy part...... You know why I think i'm good? first of all... I've never smoked... ANYTHING! Not even a cigarette. i remember when me and alicia martin tried to roll up hay in a piece of paper and smoke it.... i didnt even get close. me and sara went out one night and bought cigars.... she kept telling me not to inhale.. .. i had no idea what she meant. i was scared so i just help it like i was cool. I've only been drunk one time... and guess when that was? HAHAHA! this is a funny story. my dear lovely friend and i (and someone else) went to calf fry in stillwater. wasnt that fun.... yea it was... the bad part was... we were leaving for our senior trip at 2 the next morning! so everyone on the bus was trying to sleep... and here i was.... HEEYYYYYYY!!! hahaha. thats the only time i've ever been drunk. EVER! i've drank a little i guess but not much at all. i hate alcohol. its disgusting. if its covered up with enough fruity its alright. here's the really mushy part.... I didnt have sex until i got married! How odd is that? I married a sex addict and he actually waited til marriage!!!! (thats cuz he was getting it other places) I was with a guy (not the sex addict) for TWO YEARS!!! and we never had sex! That right there is a man! A very good man. and i was very bad to him. ok im not perfect.... i did 1 bad thing. i was very mean to him after i broke up with him. We were engaged... but didnt get married... cuz i married a jerk moron instead. what a lovely decision i made. The ONLY bad choice i've ever made in my life. (well, maybe) and it really wasnt that bad of a choice cuz look at the angel baby i got out of it! Ok so it was a bad choice but i got something good out of it. Lots of good out of it actually. made me more independent.. taught me to not let ANYBODY tell me i am NOTHIN!!!! because you know what i AM SOMETHING!!!! some people may not realize that. but i AM SOMEBODY! Sometimes people need to be told they are somebody.... if you have a friend in a relationship that you know is bad... and the man is bad.... make sure she knows SHE IS SOMEBODY!!!!! she is not a NOBODY! If you are a nobody to somebody.... then they dont deserve you. if they make you feel like a nobody i mean. i'm confusing myself with all this body talk. hahahah. Ok so maybe i should go back and cut all the middle of this out cuz the beginning is good and the end is good. Just like a book... the middle always stink because it has too many words and not enough pictures! Wow guys its 12:30! I still need to know what that song is called? wonder if case sidra brotha kingfisher is awake? i know she would know. Alright guess i better get to bed. Tomorrow will be a loooooooong day if i dont! If you know the name of that song please text me because i will lay in bed all night trying to think of the rest of the words! I really need to hear that song right now! but thats all i can think of.... "I'd miss you... ohhhhhh i'd miss you." maybe she says something something something but all you want is the other.... maybe not too. hahah GOOD NIGHT ALL! HAPPY WORK DAY TOMORROW! ENJOY READING!