ok now that i'm done with my assignment and i've had a shower and am all relaxed and less stressed.... i take everything i said back.... lol! ok i really don't. i really don't understand why she acts that way.... i think i'm more worried and frustrated than i am anything else. #1 as i previously stated her father is a psychopath.... hopefully this isnt genetic... i also think he could possibly be bipolar... some of the behaviors she demonstrates reflect bipolar..... worries me. My class now is working on child development and right now we're on the prenatal development and factors effecting.... therefore... now that got me to thinking about prenatal care with her..... during my pregnancy i was stressed, in much the same way as i am now... but not really... i cried all the time, yelled, screamed, got choke slammed, had a car wreck....The way I acted then resembles the way she acts now... what if that affected her? I honestly hope it's just a phase.... BUT if you saw the way she acted, you would think she had problems. I cry at myself because i'm so hard on her... but there is no reason ANY child should act like that... bipolar, add, autism or anything.... they have to mind and follow rules too. I'm gonna be honest.... i told g i wasnt her mom (how mean, but that is going back to the things i shouldnt say thing...) and i walked out of her room.... i think that hit her hard... she was yelling at me that i was her mom and she didnt wanna go anywhere else. She said "i want you to be my mommy" which made me sad for saying what i said..... but i said "Kids don't treat their mommys the way you treat me.... if i was your mommy, you wouldnt treat me the way you do" which she probably understood ZERO of what i was getting at.... but it made me feel better. And she calls me mean... i try to make her understand that she could be somewhere else with someone who would BEAT her until she was BLACK AND BLUE!!!!!! she can't understand that.....  she doesn't understand she has it made. I ask her "do i buy you stuff? do i get you almost anything you want? do i buy you clothes? do you stay warm at night?" then i say.... "that's real mean isnt it" haha i AM MEAN!!! but i wish she could understand how she has it made..... i wish she could see the kids that don't get fed, that don't get clothed or taken care of! One day i know she will grow up and outgrow it but it's so frustrating when they call you mean..... especially when you spoil them the way she has been spoiled!!! Now i'm done on that subject. Let me tell you about my assignment.... I got it all done at around 11:20... and then when i posted it... it said submitted at : 12:20 AM Nov.1... i was like AHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT?????? Then i checked the announcements and they said any discussion post submitted late will receive a ZERO!!!! but then i look on the syllabus and it says our assignments are due at 11:59 p.m. Mountain Time... 1:59 Eastern Time.... here let me copy and paste it.... "All assignments are due by 11:59 p.m. Mountain Time (MT) on the day assigned (which is 1:59 a.m. Eastern Time (ET) the next day). The time stamp in the classroom will reflect Eastern Time (ET), regardless of your time zone. As long as your submission time stamp is no later than 1:59 a.m. Eastern Time (ET), you have submitted on time" help me understand then? is mine late? hahaha i emailed her to find out... just in case... hopefully since its the first week she'll be lenient... if not oh well i guess.. ok good nigth!

Right now my mind is about to blow up!!!!! I have never been this stressed out!!!! I have to write a blog post because i have an assignment due in 2 hours that I havent even started on.... the reading is like 40 some pages long and i havent read that either..... wanna know why? because every night at bed time my child decides she wants to be a demon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am very angry...... if you can't tell. I just started my new class on monday...... so monday night i get g in bed come in here and start trying to do my work and she just out of the blue starts SCREAMING at the top of her lungs at me. this probably lasts til about 10:00......... same thing on tuesday..... tonight she got in bed at 830 and was having a fit until just now. 9:50..... i CANNOT handle this child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok actually i can. but sometimes she is so out of control that i lose my temper and i say things i shouldnt say. i have never been so stressed out. it started about 2 weeks ago.... and at the drop of a hat.. she goes from happy.... to a child i've never seen in my life. Some of you probably think i'm crazy.... but if you could see the way she acts you would want me to take her to a psychyatrist... or something like that. Once she starts.. she doesn't stop until she throws up or scratches her face...... and they usually last about an hour or an hour and a half. One would say... just ignore her...... BUT it's hard to ignore a screaming kid when you are trying to read a book. plus when they hurt, you hurt.... it's like shes a newborn all over again..... it's like shes crying but she has no idea why shes crying..... and neither do i.... sympathy doesn't work... i bawl and she sees me bawling and she cries cause i'm crying but then after a while she'll just start all over again screaming at me. I pray every night for it to get better or for something to change... but it only seems to be getting worse. Today she had such a good day too. Me and D told her this could be her First day ever to NOT CRY!!!!.... well werent we wrong... after trick or treating was over we were heading home and she starts screaming that shes hungry.... then we get home and she plays for a while then the screaming begins. so she almost had a good day. i had her a sticker chart also,.... when she was good she got stickers... we've been doing that for about 2 weeks... well tonight i ripped it down because i told her she didnt deserve stickers.... i can't find anything that worse.... One may say... spank her..... well that only makes her madder and makes the fit last longer. I gaurantee you she's had more whoopins than probably any 4 year old on this earth.... just because of her attitude. ok now that i've got that off my mind... maybe i'll try to write my paper............ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

blah blah blah

Alright tonight is one of those nights when I wish I could just run away. You know when you start hearing about people you know, that they know people you know that you don't want them to know. Anyways you get what I'm sayin? haha. I would so love to just move far away. Don't even have to be FAR AWAY.... just like tulsa would be fine with me.... or the rural part of tulsa... is there a rural part of tulsa? There are some things in life that are just so disgusting to think about. #1 how can people kill people and get by with it.... that's the most disgusting thing ever. If someone kills someone they should be in jail.... that's not really what i'm thinking but i had to put that to be nice.... i'll just say if you should treat others like you want to be treated... then people who treat people in deadly ways... should get the same treatment. right... thats how i feel. I'm gonna tell you right now I am a Christian but there are more than a few people on this earth i could totally live without..... is that bad to say? ok i take it back.... but seriously. There are people who don't deserve to be here. People in this world who run around and make it a point to ruin peoples lives... that should be illegal... i don't understand. This is one of those times i could sit at the computer and stew all night about it. I could even sit here and cry while typing.... but there are people watching... lol. Some things stress me out to the point of no end. My life would be so much easier if i just moved. I can't stand worrying about "wonder if they know where i live...." all the time!!!!! or going into a store thinking "i hope i don't run into them..." I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! no one will EVER understand how i feel! not even my husband understands. he thinks im stupid for not doing things at certain places. But i'm telling you i'm not. I will do everything in my power to protect my child from that EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean EEEEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLL!!!! I'm so wound up right now I could go on and on and on and on and on!!!!! ARRRRGGGG!!!! Sometimes life isnt fair. Sometimes life is hard. and I pray everyday for things to change or to get things off my mind.... but you know its still there. and it will always be there. I'll always be afraid. I once heard a sermon about fear. and that if you just pray it will go away..... apparently i dont have enough faith..... i dont know. but really i cried when i heard that sermon because i have so much fear. People don't know how much fear i have. I try to act like I'm not scared or worried.... i try to be tough. but it doesn't work. deep down...i fear..... oh gosh i could cry right now. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh stop!!!! People also say I couldnt move because my kid would miss her neena..... lol!!! but im telling you i could. i would still drive down here every day.... hahahahah. I am gonna be honest again though.... every night i go to bed and i shut my kids tv off and i think... ok i have to shut it off because if someone breaks in... they won't go in her room..... and i have a gun by my bed and every night when i lay in bed and i think about things... EVERYTHING.... i have to look again beside my bed and make sure its there. to be honest again theres like 4 guns by my bed... hahahahah!!! I check every now and then to make sure they're loaded. This is a scary blog..... i could never kill anybody by the way.... thats scary to think about. anyways onto something else. I ate at JL's tonight. I've been wanting it for so long because I remember how good there potato wedges were and when i got them they werent as good as i once remembred. BUT.... they also i got beans.... they put the potato wedges in the beans.... seriously people!!! I CANT STAND FOR MY FOOD TO TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!! how inconsiderate!!! hahahah jk. luckily there was plenty of potatos anyways... D is watchin a movie about cowboys and indians... g says mom are they real? i said what she said are indians real? I said yea... I'm an indian your an indian d and p are indians.... she said noooo indians are mean they have guns... i said uhhh hello d has a gun i have a gun p has a gun..... she said but i dont... i said DUHHH!!! hahahhaaha. Oh by the way I've been off facebook for 3 weeks now... can you beleive it... i love it! sometimes i get on my moms and look at some things... BUT i really have no interest in it. it's stupid and annoying. i do like it to keep up with people but i've stopped the nosey crap..... well thats enough blab for one night...

first of all my house is so dirty i should be cleaning it instead of sitting here. I made cupcakes the other day and i havent felt like washing those dishes yet! oopsy haha. maybe ill clean tomorrow. i used to love to clean now i hate it. if i had a dishwasher it might not be so bad Oh plus i didnt have dish soap and i just now went to walmart and bought some so i guess i can wash dishes now. darn. second of all... i have to talk about swagbucks because i love it so much...haha. Today alone I have earned 544 swag bucks.. just by searching and doing surveys. I think that was 3 surveys and search. A $5 amazon gift card is only 450. So i've earned 1 in 1 day. But you can only get 5 in a calendar month and i've already got my 5 this month, but i can save them for next month to make sure i get my 5. For the kids' birthdays im gonna try to spend only the free amazon gift cards that i've won. That way it will be free and i won't have to buy anything. that would be super. I used to just search a little, but now that i've realized i could have a free christmas or birthdays, i'm kinda hardcore.... lol! if you are interested in signing up do it thru me.. .heres the link.. swagbucks.com/refer/Shangranew   i think its fun, but it takes a while to start earning and really getting into it. They have codes also that get you free swagbucks sometimes. I just counted and i have 21 amazon gift cards that i've collected since july 6, 2012. So in 4 months i've made like $105. And i have more on some other sites like superpoints and viggle and mypoints. None of them cost money, but sometimes they can just take a little time. If your interested in any of them let me know and ill refer you. I also have a houseparty.com account and i've got in on an avocados from mexico party that i'm supposed to host. I'm excited to see what i'm gonna get from them because my sister had a fisher price party and she got TONS of free toys just to show off at her party and she got to keep them! I hope they don't give me like 50 pounds of avocados! hahaha. So this week is weird. fall break is weird. I wish i actually went on vacation somewhere because when i'm here its all weird. i feel like its friday and its only thursday. ok thats all for now

cupcakes

alright so tomorrow is our fall harvest party and i made cupcakes! I'm excited to show them off so i had to write a blog post... lol! I did it with the homemade icing and its hard to get the icing to stick to the cupcakes... guess you should dirty ice cupcakes too haha. I've been in the mood lately to just cook cool things. I mean thinking about cooking cool things... but have i? No. i just like to think about doing it. But the cupcakes were pretty fun. Makes me want to make more cool stuff. Now I'm going to bed so here they are... hope you can see it

Bzzagent glade campaign

I have to Bzz about my latest campaign. Glade expressions is a great way to make your home smell amazing (unless of course you have scentsy). I've been testing this product for about a month now and I am in love with the pineapple mangosteen! They have spray and they also have a fancy thing that diffuses the scent, which I have in my bathroom and it smells very good! I have enjoyed testing this product and I am sad the campaign will be closing in 2 days! Thanks glade for letting me test your product for FREE!!!!! Wanna test free products go to Bzzagent.com I have tested products from reckon makeup to hidden valley ranch, it is very fun to do!!!

houston we have a problem!

Ok so when the home button doesnt work on your iPhone.... thats a problem! I was hoping i could hold out until april (when my contract is up) for a new phone so we could switch to verizon... you know my screens been cracked almost ever since i got it and then super badly cracked about 6 months ago... like glass in your finger cracked... haha! but now the home key doesnt work. So as long as im only texting on it, its ok because i can stay in text... but when i want to get on the internet with it or set my alarm.. i have to shut the phone completely off and turn it back on to get to the home screen. Then if i set my alarm.. i have to shut it off again to get back to the home screen. HAHAHAHAH! how fun! Another problem... It always seems like we plan food things at schools on mondays! bad bad bad bad idea! I always have to be reminded if we are having something that im supposed to bring something. It's 10:00 and i just now remembered i'm supposed to take something. So i was makin tuna salad for lunch tomorrow and the rest of the week.. but apparently I have to share with everyone else because thats all i have hahaha! maybe they won't eat it because it looks like throw up! hahahahah. anyways. we took pictures today! They turned out so cute i CANNOT wait to get them developed... we did family pics with us and the hollands. it was pretty fun. the men did very good cooperating, i'm very proud. haha. and my husband looked HHHOOOTTT!!! Today i have had like 4 or 5 pops! I havent had pop in soooooo long! I've done so good. but this week was bad. I have to tell you.. i lost 10 pounds.. i probably gained it back last week! Red lobster and pop! Gotta get back on the shake and stop the pop again. i was doing so good. I was even running there for a while. I'm watching the final destination.. i love these shows. even though they are all the same. I'm in need of a scary movie night! like one i havent seen. i saw paranormal activity 4 was coming to theatres thursday.. but i watched paranormal activity 3 in theatres and it was more funny than scary... because of all the little teenagers watching it with us that just screamed at everything that happened. it ruined the movie. but i love scary movies. They need to come out with a good one... new one! So I have 2 more weeks of my first online class for my masters. then my next one starts. im scared because it's probably going to get harder! AHH! It just feels relieving to have 1 finished though. Like i've actually succeeded at something. Gotta start somewhere I guess. Although I feel like it's gonna take forever. I have done so much research on so many early childhood articles and its actually pretty fun. I found out that Oklahoma ranks 49th in the US on how much they spend per student! I can't beleive that. That's crazy. I feel like we get so much stuff each year for our classrooms.... maybe ts just pre-k though. I've also read about how important play is in a child's life. I feel like we really need recess for social and gross motor skills. It also talked about the imaginitive play. We do so much of that in Pre-K! I love that. it's so fun. I love this class. I love how much i've learned through reseraching. Anyway yea see facts are boring.................. MY MIND... however is very exciting. If only you could make everything fun to read. or maybe this is boring? who knows but it's fun to write! ciao!

First of all..... I've been on pinterest all day oh my gosh i would love to do so many things on there!!! they look so fun. I wish i was creative. Now... I was driving home tonight in the dark on the dirt road. And at night time when i'm outside i always have crazy ideas! I used to run outside to get something and I would try to stay calm all the way back to the house... then i'd get halfway there and id freak out and start running and i would scare myself so bad!! Well so i was drivin home... and all of a sudden i was thinking.. ok what if there was a guy on the side of the road with a bloody face.. like he had been hit by a vehicle or hurt and he was just sitting there or laying there or waving me down.... would i stop??? I would feel bad for not stopping but i don't think i would! I would prolly freak out and put it in reverse! hahaha. no but really? would u stop? what if it was just that fake blood and they only wanted to kill you? I freak out about stuff like that all the time.They should put that on the show "what would you do" cuz i'd like to know what other people would do. You know what else that reminded me of. One time we were mad at someone.... around halloween. So we hid in the woods and we knew he was coming down our road... so we hid about 4 miles from my mom and dads house.. me and a couple of friends... we put a little dummy with a balloon head in the road, then we hid on the top of the hill and when he drove by the first time we threw biscuits at him.. (note: we also had syrup with red food coloring.. we dipped our biscuits in this mixture then threw them.)  but guess what? they were raw biscuits out of the can.. they didnt throw very far... anyways then i can remember we had the video camera and we had to run to the other side of the hollar before he came back and we all took off running and i stepped off the edge and rolled all the way to the bottom of the hollar!!! HAHAHAHAH!!! it was leafy and lots of trees and rocks... it was so funny. i think i still have it on tape somewhere and you can hear me laughing the whole time. I'm not sure what video it was on but ill have to find it. oh my gosh it was funny. Turns out we didnt scare him at all. I like halloween... i started decorating my classroom today for halloween... that's why i was looking on pinterest. There's some really cool things on there to make for halloween. So i've decided I'm going to start saving my money more than i have been! I've been doing terrible the past few months! i dont know why. but i have to stop. Have to save!!!! So please don't ask me to go out to eat unless your buying! HAHA! I've been watching those scary movies again.. before i go to bed and i keep having scary dreams!!! But i love them after i wake up! when i'm havin them im scared to death though. The other night wrong turn 4 was on and the ending made me laugh so hard!!! The 2 girls were free.. they finally made it and thought they killed all the bad guys. so they get on the jet ski and take off laughing and smiling when all of a sudden they run into a barb wire fence right thru their necks and cuts both of their heads off and they fly thru the air!!! OH my gosh! I laughed (mainly cuz of how fake it was) but holy cow it was funny!.

Psychopath

Ok you guys may think I'm weird... of course you do! You read my blog! haha. but I saw this commercial for a movie called seven psychopaths or something like that and it showed the #3 way to know if someone is psychopath.... anyways my mind wanted to know the real signs of a psychopath so i looked it up... here's what i found...

Hare Psychopathy Checklist

Factor1: Aggressive narcissism
Glibness / superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lyingConning / manipulative
Lack of remorse or guiltShallow affectCallous / lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Promiscuous sexual behavior
Factor2: Socially deviant lifestyle

Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Parasitic lifestyle
Poor behavioral control
Lack of realistic, long-term goals
ImpulsivityIrresponsibility
Juvenile delinquency
Early behavior problems
Revocation of conditional release

Many short-term marital relationships
Criminal versatility

Ok now that I did that.. let me see if I can go back and highlight some things.... ok i changed them to red...

So now.. guess what I'm getting at? I KNOW A PSYCHOPATH!!!!

HAHAHAH! That was pretty fun. it was like i was doing a research paper... but honestly apparently I really know a psychopath. can you diagnose people? haha. anyways that was fun!

Did those pics show up? They showed up on my ipad but not on my computer. Anyways you know what i love about days like today? and this time of year? I cleaned out all of G's closet, went thru all her clothes, put her summer clothes up got her winter clothes out. Got rid of the ones that don't fit! I love doing this. its so fun. and she's taking a nap now and so is D, so it's a lovelly day. hahahaha! I also put our summer clothes up and got our winter clothes out. and i tried to get rid of a lot of toys while she was in the living room not paying attention. I've been thinking about not having her a bday party this year. They are so overrated. Maybe just a family thing for her and P. or maybe taking them to eat with some friends maybe? i'm not sure i just hate planning a party. its hard. BUt you know what i have been wanting to do? have a halloween party in our barn. I've been in the mood to cook stuff that i've never cooked. like snacks and stuff. that sounds fun. but then again i hate planning parties. I just wanna cook for one. haha. so last night was the first time i've ever used skype and you know what it is SO COOL!!!! we got to talk to sara in new york! and there were 5 of us here and the other was in tulsa.. and we skyped with the friend in tulsa also. it was so cool!!!! Why have i not had this earlier. I love those cleany days when your in the mood to get rid of everything!!!!!!!! I have so much stuff i need to be doing instead of typing on here but i finally got a peaceful moment to myself so i thought i'd write on here  and clean my mind cuz this is fun. I have been off facebook for a week now. yea yea! who lost that bet? haha. anyways i do have a scentsy group on there but thats it. Im glad i kept it cuz i've sold quite a bit on there since i've got rid of my facebok .You know what else. I still have swagbucks and guess how many amazon gift cards i have right now? i have 16 right now and 4 that are posted but verifying. and then i have a $10 one from super points and i've almost got a $25 one from mypoints. so, so far for christmas or birthdays i have $110, + 25 if i get it before christmas. plus i will have 5 next month also. I max out on amazon gift cards every month. 5 is all you can get. and i get 5 every month. All you have to do is search and get the codes and do the little things for points. its super easy. anyways guess i need to go to walmart now. and wake G up before she sleeps too long. ciao!

Someone be proud of me please.... Lol

I need to brag because I thought I would be making c's and d's! Here are my grades so far during this course! 



That's one I the papers I wrote for one of my classes! Now look at my grades....


Ok now  I may be bragging a little but I NEVER thought I would make A's In grad school!

So here I am 230 in the morning! I wake up to G screaming at me! You know why? She almost pooped her pants! Hahahaha! This is the 2nd time tonight. Guess what now its 530 and I'm up again! Geez I'm gonna be tired!!! Poor baby girl threw up twice yesterday and now she ha the runs! Bless her heart! And hr temp is 101 but she feels like you could cook an egg on her! Well maybe I can go sleep now

Bzzagent

First off this blog post is for my Bzzagent! Let me tell you what that is.. You fill out surveys based on your answers you get in on a campaign and they send you products to test and give them feedback on! So I got this one called Unreal candy! It's candy that is better for you than regular candy. Here's a website if you'd like to check it out! http://getunreal.com/ I also have a few BOGO coupons left to share with my friends. You can get them at Walgreens. The only one I tried was nougat and caramel in chocolate, it wasn't too bad. It was actually pretty good, but seeing as how I was on a diet when I bought it, I didn't eat the whole ing because it still has around 190 calories. I would like to try it again and I may do it, I'm sad they will no longer be a bzz partner. But glad I got to try it when we got to test it! Thanks Unreal candy and Bzzagent!

My Cakes!

Ok the two cakes on top are the two i made for my friend that she paid money for! haha! I never thought i'd ever get money for cakes. Good thing she isnt picky though cuz the writing is terrible! But the F one is for this week at school our letter is F.. and i put all the cutters i had that started with F.. it was kinda fun. But it was square and it was really hard to get the corners iced. and i was playing around with the border... thats why it's all different. My kids will love it no matter what it looks like! Making cake is fun, its just stressful when you've been working all day to come home and have to get it iced before class.... PS I skipped class tonight... oops. i wanted to be a rebel! plus i had a really bad headache and gracie didnt act like she felt good. So if you ever want me to make you a cake just tell me what you want! I love to make it as long as you don't want it perfect! haha. And please want it round cuz the square was kinda hard! Anyways.... Ciao!