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Alright tonight is one of those nights when I wish I could just run away. You know when you start hearing about people you know, that they know people you know that you don't want them to know. Anyways you get what I'm sayin? haha. I would so love to just move far away. Don't even have to be FAR AWAY.... just like tulsa would be fine with me.... or the rural part of tulsa... is there a rural part of tulsa? There are some things in life that are just so disgusting to think about. #1 how can people kill people and get by with it.... that's the most disgusting thing ever. If someone kills someone they should be in jail.... that's not really what i'm thinking but i had to put that to be nice.... i'll just say if you should treat others like you want to be treated... then people who treat people in deadly ways... should get the same treatment. right... thats how i feel. I'm gonna tell you right now I am a Christian but there are more than a few people on this earth i could totally live without..... is that bad to say? ok i take it back.... but seriously. There are people who don't deserve to be here. People in this world who run around and make it a point to ruin peoples lives... that should be illegal... i don't understand. This is one of those times i could sit at the computer and stew all night about it. I could even sit here and cry while typing.... but there are people watching... lol. Some things stress me out to the point of no end. My life would be so much easier if i just moved. I can't stand worrying about "wonder if they know where i live...." all the time!!!!! or going into a store thinking "i hope i don't run into them..." I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! no one will EVER understand how i feel! not even my husband understands. he thinks im stupid for not doing things at certain places. But i'm telling you i'm not. I will do everything in my power to protect my child from that EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean EEEEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLL!!!! I'm so wound up right now I could go on and on and on and on and on!!!!! ARRRRGGGG!!!! Sometimes life isnt fair. Sometimes life is hard. and I pray everyday for things to change or to get things off my mind.... but you know its still there. and it will always be there. I'll always be afraid. I once heard a sermon about fear. and that if you just pray it will go away..... apparently i dont have enough faith..... i dont know. but really i cried when i heard that sermon because i have so much fear. People don't know how much fear i have. I try to act like I'm not scared or worried.... i try to be tough. but it doesn't work. deep down...i fear..... oh gosh i could cry right now. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh stop!!!! People also say I couldnt move because my kid would miss her neena..... lol!!! but im telling you i could. i would still drive down here every day.... hahahahah. I am gonna be honest again though.... every night i go to bed and i shut my kids tv off and i think... ok i have to shut it off because if someone breaks in... they won't go in her room..... and i have a gun by my bed and every night when i lay in bed and i think about things... EVERYTHING.... i have to look again beside my bed and make sure its there. to be honest again theres like 4 guns by my bed... hahahahah!!! I check every now and then to make sure they're loaded. This is a scary blog..... i could never kill anybody by the way.... thats scary to think about. anyways onto something else. I ate at JL's tonight. I've been wanting it for so long because I remember how good there potato wedges were and when i got them they werent as good as i once remembred. BUT.... they also i got beans.... they put the potato wedges in the beans.... seriously people!!! I CANT STAND FOR MY FOOD TO TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!! how inconsiderate!!! hahahah jk. luckily there was plenty of potatos anyways... D is watchin a movie about cowboys and indians... g says mom are they real? i said what she said are indians real? I said yea... I'm an indian your an indian d and p are indians.... she said noooo indians are mean they have guns... i said uhhh hello d has a gun i have a gun p has a gun..... she said but i dont... i said DUHHH!!! hahahhaaha. Oh by the way I've been off facebook for 3 weeks now... can you beleive it... i love it! sometimes i get on my moms and look at some things... BUT i really have no interest in it. it's stupid and annoying. i do like it to keep up with people but i've stopped the nosey crap..... well thats enough blab for one night...