once upon a time........

Once upon a time, there was a perfect world. Oh wait.... no there wasnt. ha who am i kidding? Ok I'm going to avoid the ranting.......... and go straight to something else.. So apparently some people do not know about the divorce... because I've had 2 people at work say something to me about D... and it's so awkward... i just shake my head and say uh huh uh huh uh huh... lol! So you know like a couple months ago i was miserable and crybabyish and feeling sorry for myself and all that good stuff.. but now i'm fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine! Not really but i am. Me and Dustin are still friends and I'm very thankful for that. I can still talk to him anytime I need to and I think I've come to realize that the things that weren't working for us, never would work for us..... Maybe in 13 years I can marry him again.... lol. Although that's a long time to be alone. After thinking about some things I've realized there were even more things that weren't right in our relationship... but it's too late to fix them now right.... AAAANNNNYYYYYWWWWWWAAAAAYYYYYYSSSS I was talking to a friend about this and she told me one thing that I wish i would've looked for before my very first marriage.... she told me something that really meant a lot to me.. of course this isn't always true because apparently some men just don't show as much emotion... buuuut she told me that one day there would be a man who "worshipped the ground I walked on".... and you know what I think she's right. Someone out there needs me... whether it be dustin in 13 years or someone else...... This is kind of corny and dumb.... but for real.... I've noticed myself being "too needy" several times in my life..... you know what it's ok to be alone because i'm free to do whatever i please... but one day someone will just love everything about me and make me feel like i'm the greatest thing that ever walked the earth... I will not be looking for love.... because i know it will come to me... and if it doesn't i guess oh well... at least i have friends...... Let me tell you something sad though... This year I don't like Christmas...... I haven't been in the christmas spirit. The main thing I want to do this christmas is to make someone else's christmas...... and make someone else happy... Because i'm not the only person spending christmas alone. I'm not the only single parent alone with their child just watching how happy their child is on christmas morning! I'm sure there are many stories worse than just being alone. And at least I get to see how happy G is..... and make her happy... that's worth quite a bit... i'm sure some kids don't even get to open christmas presents. okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk anyways................ there i go being a crybaby again... but im done now.