oh man oh man oh man

In a perfect world there are butterflies and flowers! In a perfect world our kids would play and let us relax when we needed. In a perfect world everyone would have someone to spend the rest of their life with and all of their emotions for each other were exactly the same and both of the peoples needs were met and everyone was happy. In a perfect world everyone loves God and believes in God and follows his will and Commandments, there would be no deaths, no sins, no poor, no sadness, no tears. In a perfect world, we would walk on streets of gold and bounce around on fluffy clouds. Do you know what this perfect world is that I'm speaking of? Well not all of it, but most of it. Heaven! If you want to see perfection one day, then get right with God and you will see the perfection in life that you've always wanted to see. On earth you face struggles you think you will never overcome. You know what? You will overcome it. The feeling will go away someday. The pain will end. Whether you want it to or not, it will. God can save you from everything you've ever faced. There will be trials, but you just gotta suck it up and be tough. I've went my whole entire life with people thinking I'm tough, I don't cry... but I do, probly more than most people think. You know what, I've probably had the worst adult life of anyone ever! Yea ok probably not, but I've made bad choices and I've dealt with them, I didn't want to suck it up, I wanted to drown myself in pity, and I did for a while. But you know what.... there's no need in living life begging for pity, whether it be from yourself or someone else! That's why peoples lives are so messed up. you know what I live by myself with G and I'm bored all the time, so I never stay home because I hate being home alone! Who cares, you only live once, go do something. Although I feel I'm missing out on a lot of G's childhood because we are ALWAYS on the go now. We always find somewhere to go. I should stay home and enjoy this time I get to have with her. I just feel so wore out these days and there's no reason I should. I haven't stayed up late, I haven't got up too too early. I've actually been getting quite a bit of sleep, i think I'm just emotionally drained maybe? You know what? I'm getting better. I've reached a part of the obstacle that pushed me over the edge instead of back down the mountain. I'm satisfied with life right now and when the right man comes along then so be it, but I'm not going to go looking around for one. I think in order to be happy in a marriage, a person first must be happy with themselves. I think since my first marriage I've just been so pushed down and bogged down and I haven't been happy with myself at all since then. I think I've come to a point in my life I've realized that being happy is the only way a person can be successful in life. I will never be rich, i wish i was but that will never happen. I dont care about money, money doesn't make you happy! God and family and friends are the three things that can keep you happy in life! That's it. You may think money makes you happy, and maybe it does, but if you had money but no God and no friends and no family then what do you have? a nice house, a boat and a 4wheeler? well who you gonna go fish with? Who you gonna talk to when you feel that you have nothing left? no one. you have no God to talk to, no friend to talk to or no family. I am rich in love! I am loved by so many people! I have so many friends and family that I am so thankful for and if it wasn't for them, I probably would've given up a long time ago! I would've still been stuck in a life with a lying cheating husband (first one), who choke slams me when he doesn't get his way! There are some things that I hate about my past, but oh well. The past is the past, push on! MOVE ON! If you don't move, no one is going to move you! "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." If you don't wanna grow you will be stuck right where you are the rest of your life! God has blessed us with such an amazing life and if you dont want to take advantage of it then dont, but one day wyou will wake up at the gates of heaven and youll think man? how'd i get here? Life goes by before you know it. I'm 27! howd that happen? I can remember when my parents were 30! and they were old! Now they're over 50! now they're REALLY OLD! hahahahah! You never know when you're going to run off the road and die, or when someone is going to run into you and life is over. Just like that. It happens everyday in a flash. No one expects it. But you know what, you can live free if you have God. You don't have to worry about when you're going to die, because you can live forever in heaven if you know God! Life doesn't have to end. I've had so many disappointments in my life. I should give up right? I don't think so. Did God say give up? 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 says we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; persectuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed. What if God had given up on us? What if we couldn't look forward to an eternal life? What would we have to look forward to? We would have nothing..... I don't really get it. You know heaven is something that is hard to grasp... it really is and i've wrote a past blog on this, so i won't go into it. But God is there and he'll always be there. God was on the throne before the US started going downhill and hes still on the Throne! It's the people that are allowing the devil to takeover! God is in control and he knows what's going on... we don't. If you live by God's word everyday, you have nothing to worry about! Just raise your children the way they should be raised! Don't show them your weakness, be strong for those guys! They are the future! Take them to church, let them learn about God because one day they will have to do it on their own! I have sheltered myself and daughter from things, because I've been afraid of running into people, you know what, I shouldn't stop doing things just because I'm scared! God has a plan! God will protect us! I pray every night that God will protect us from evil! And usually there is one particular evil that i am speaking of! And you know what 4 1/2 years later... we're still protected from him (or it). God is there. He's real. He's the only One who has kept me and my daughter away from EVIL BEING! He has a wall around us to protect us from him!!! I've sinned, I've failed, I've done everything wrong, but God will not let down my Gracie! He will protect her! I believe that God will protect her for me! Ok I probably lost some of you there with the EVIL. Evil = her father... in my book. Anyways. that's all on that rant! I've been trying to write a blog for weeks now but everytime G went to bed I'd get tired and just wanna sleep, but I'd have all these thoughts running through my head! There are so many more things I want to share, but I cant. Some things are private and I'd rathers not ruin anyone else's day or life, so ill keep that to myself. I have to say in my book, men are pigs!!!! not hogs, they don't even deserve that title..... little sissy pigs. hahahah! ok I'm sure there are just as many women who are that way too... haha! I may be one of them! LOL! My head has been going crazy! Lately I've felt like oh my gosh I need some attention (so make sure you let me know what you think of my blog... haha)! I really don't but sometimes it gets lonely..... pooooooooor me! haha not really! UPDATE!!!!! So my masters, i haven't complained about that in a while! I have 1 week left of this class... and then my capstone! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???? I'M GOING TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it. Praise the Lord! The devil tried to get me down but it didn't work! Sucker!!!! I really can't believe I'm done! Except my capstone and I've heard its the worst part of it all... but oh well! Hopefully this week is my last Wednesday/Sunday whiny day week... haha. My mind is overflowing with information right now by the way. I'm just so excited about some things and so anxious for things and just so brainy. My brain won't quit thinking. It's crazy! Goodness gracious! I should stop though before I rant any longer and this becomes boring....... that would be terrible. You know let me tell you something else i heard the other day.... Have you ever heard of an Askhole? It's someone who asks for advice but doesn't take it! Really if you don't want to hear peoples advice don't ask! Some people I've got tired of giving advice because it will have no influence on their decision whatsoever! Its ridiculous! Gotta add this too! I have a HUGE secret about someone! A friend.... And I CAN'T TELL! I'M DYING TO TELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh yea by the way she told me to put that... hahaha jk! But I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I CAN TELL THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!