Now I remember why I always stay busy til late at night and why I always let G stay up past her bedtime and don't put her in bed unless I go to bed too.... Gahhhh! For one it's boring alone.... Lol. For 2 I If I stay busy I forget that I'm alone because G's company is enough for me, but 8 at night and she's in bed and it hits me that I'm alone... Ahhhhhhhh!!!! I don't care really I don't, but the past few months I've stayed so busy I haven't even had time to sit down and think. Then tonight I finally think it's going to be peaceful and I hate it. It's ridiculous. Too peaceful. Pity parties happen when I get peace....but you know what, it will make me go to bed early and catch up in my sleep. Finally. Haha! I try to find something to watch on tv and I hate it all. So I, watching G's shows imagine that... Ha! But you know what... I have it made... There are people who have lost husbands to death, there are people who have never been married..... I'm lucky because I've had that chance and now I know more about what to look for or what not to look for and the things that are red flags and lies and stupid stuff that people do. Anyways I have to say sometimes it's nice it have male companions, just someone to talk to because men think differently then women. I have the 7 best friends in the world that are girls and I can share stuff with them I can share with no one else, but sometimes there are things that men can tell you that seem to answer everything. I mean seriously. Men can judge other men better than a woman can. Men know what other men are up to. All men's minds are wired alike therefore a man is a better person to get advice about a man on... Haha! Ok that was weird, but seriously. Men can be some of the best friends in the world..... Plus I love men. Ya know ever since I was like 4 and opening the gates for the hot feed man or hurrying to the milk barn to see the hot milk man..... Oh my gosh I'm ridiculous..... HAHAHAHAHA! Ok well see I can always get myself away from my pity party by getting some humor in there..... Ok I'm done being a baby time to go to bed!

So I was drivin home from work earlier and I was thinkin..... Imagine that!! Wonder what I look like through other peoples eyes'? Isn't that weird that people see people differently? Sometimes personality changed someone's looks.... Sometimes someone thinks someone is sooooo pretty and someone else thinks they are ugly.... Isn't that weird??? And someone can be so beautiful when they are dressed up with tons of makeup on and look like a devil when they get out of the shower..... Isn't it weird how people don't like people if they aren't dressed up...... Gahhhhh get over it. God didn't create you with million dollar clothes and 10 pounds of makeup on your face!!! Ok anyways. Off that soapbox. But really have you ever wonder what people think you look like? Do they see the same thing you see in the mirror?? Have you ever wondered what kind of things people have heard about you that weren't true??? I wonder a lot of things all the time... Have you ever had someone tell you things because they are crazy??? They want you to feel like you're insane when in all honesty they are craaaaaaazy! People are crazy! Why are people so crazy! Okkkkkk loooooong meeting tomorrow and I need to catch up in tv before midnight.... Just had to let out some thoughts

What a day!!!!! Oh my gosh! Didn't we just start pre-k last week. Where in the world does time go? Holy cow. And I know the summer will fly by. Actually I bet it will drag by.... Bt it will fly at the same time. Weird how time can do that huh....? So guess what I've been doing lately.... Oh yea thinkng! I do a lot of that all the time and I have these awesome ideas... Sometimes. Sometimes they're not so awesome!! First of all let me tell you, tonight I patted Gracie to sleep about 830.... She went to sleep in like 5 minutes! It was awesome.. That hasn't happened in ages!!! Usually it's like 11 before she goes to sleep. So every night I Lay in bed because I think I'm so tired..... Well then I can't go to sleep...... So I lay in bed and think.... Until at least like midnight.... These crazy things run through my mind. Let me tell you the main one.... MEN!!!! HAHAHAHA! Jk. Kind of. I've never been in a relationship at all with a man who went to church..... I mean I have had men go to church because I want them to... Even had one get baptized with me.... Apparently that wasn't real.... Gahhhhh men can be soooo fake!!!! I will never make a man go to church with me..... They should already have that foundation built... Of course then there's me... I haven't been going to church because I just haven't found a place I belong yet.... I kind of have.... But .... Well just but.... Haha. My mom tells me all the time, next time you get a man I hope he is in church... Once upon a time a long long time ago i mean a really king time ago I went to church to chase boys..... Haha! I'm afraid that will happen again and that's why I haven't been going to church. Sometimes my mind gets focused in things they shouldn't be focused on. And you know what? I can admit that. There are people that wouldn't admit that, but I will. Church would be a good place to find a man, but I don't want that to be the reason I'm in church... Next. I love churches that sing loud ! Trinity has THE BEST song service EVER!!!!!! I've never experienced any singing that good in my life and the singing is super loud I looooooove it!!! I will say that's not the only reason I haven't been going to church, I can think of a lot of excuses, the main one is I'm too lazy... But also my daughter is a nuisance when she has to be quiet, and she won't go to kids church... Because she needs her mommy. I know if I made her start going she would be fine, but it don't want to make her go yet..... I would cry. I want her to like church but she hates it when she has to sit out there with me. I went to church last Wednesday and she went in the kids church by herself for like 5 minutes, then she came out looking for me.... But she wasn't crying!!! That's a start!!!!! Right?! If I could just find that 1 place I belong and loooooooooove going to and Gracie loves going to, my life would be perfect. Anyways. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and just wish I had someone to talk to because I have so much to say..... .. Blah blah blah. Boooooo hooooooo. Omg I just got thieves oil in my eye.... I think I'm going to. DIe!!!!!!! I talk all the time ya know... Sometimes I say things I shouldn't say..... Sometimes I'm rude..... Sometimes I'm loud and obnoxious, you know what if i say or do something to. Hurt anyone's feelings please know I didn't mean it. Sometimes my mouth is just out if control....... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! But you know what else, sometimes I'm quiet...... And when I should stand up for things I don't.... Because I don't want to hurt others feelings.. I would let myself get run over and hurt before I would hurt someone else. Sometimes it's hard to keep my mouth shut. But I have to. Anyways. Enough of my mouth! I guess I'm done because it's too hard to. Type on the iPad and for some reason this won't open on my computer! Ahhhhh GOOD NIGHT!!!