new years resolutions..... cuz everyone has them!

Ok my new years resolutions are kinda insane! and I will probably break every one of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!! last year i made a resolution to dress better and dress myself up more... did that happen... well maybe at first but that was like unrealistic! HAHA! I wear nice clothes to work and what happens? I get paint on them and theyre stained and RUINED!!!!!!!!! i might as well have wore my nice clothes to the milk barn! So if anyone wonders why i never dress up dress up at school its cuz of that! and maybe im a little lazy at 7 in the morning... I've been thinking a lot in the past week about what i need to do better this year. and then today i was driving and i was thinking about things that would make me a better person! I was thinkin about those times in walmart (or AT SCHOOL) when you see those people you really DONT wanna see..... and you either get your phone out and look at it, act like your looking at something, or act like you don't see them..... I'm going to make it a point to not make myself miserable over things like that. I will stare them in the eye and they can be the ones to pretend they don't see me because honestly thats annoying and immature(even though i do it all the time) We are all adults! Unless i see a certain someone somewhere then i will probably be hiding! HA! but that is very unlikely to happen since i havent seen that person in like 3 years. My sister asked me last week to go to church with her.. i said no and my excuse was to sleep in! sorry excuse.... if Jesus slept in, we would have no forgiveness... nothing to look forward to in life... no heaven in the future! instead HE AROSE!!!!!!!!!!! good testimony ehh? I just thought of that all by myself sitting here on my lil ol blog typing words! haha. but really i should arise as did Jesus.. and get my butt to church! I shall find a church and go to it! all the time! I don't think i've ever been a member of a church.... in my adult life i know i never have. i've been to the same church quite often but never became a member of any church.... I don't like to be the center of attention and they make you go to the front of the church....... how embaressing! haha jk. But you know what i'd like my husband to go to church too.... but he would never attend the type of church i like to go to! He would think they were crazy! haha! Nothing against ol baptist churches... but i like churches that sing and you can feel the presence of the Lord! I've been to baptist churches that say.... ohhhh do you feel the presence of the Lord... and my answer has always been NO!!!!!! but at the kind of church i like.... yes i do feel the presence of the Lord. anyways. next my resolution is to LOSE WEIGHT!!!!! doesnt everyone have that resolution? But really i need to lose some weight and look better that way i can wear nice clothes and not look fat! no im not fat at all.... but i weighed 120 when i graduated high school.... i'd love to be 120 again and be able to run and have all that energy again! i would love to run a marathon or half marathon or 5K or 1 mile! hahahaha! ill stick with the mile for now! Now, you guys may think I'm crazy..... BUT.... I would love to have my own business of some kind.... and really I would like to start my own preschool type thing... not a daycare because I'm not a babysitter. I love to teach kids and see them actually learn something. I push my kids hard because I want them to learn! I really never see that happening but it sounds fun. I would at least like to move up somehow in the early childhood field. Not gradewise... I honestly don't think i would like to teach kindergarten or higher... too much testing for starters.... and they have curriculum.... i like doing my own thing.. what i want. I don't have to be on the same thing anybody else is on.. i can teach what i want when i want... i love it. I have the best coworkers anyone could EVER have where i work at. I would love for them all to come teach at my new school.. HAHAHAHAHHAHHA!!!! I told my sister the other day... wouldnt it be cool if you could invent a town... fenced in with HUGE fences.. and noone could come in or live there unless you invited them! and this town had target, walmart, harps, old navy and all those good stores? and noone had to work there because the only people that lived in your town were honest people that would leave the money for what they took in the cash register. hmmm interesting. Now here's a good one... sometimes i just let people run over me and say what they want.... and i get very irritated but i just hold it in and keep the anger to myself but sometimes it all adds up and i just wanna BLOW UP!!!!!!! I have to stop doing that. Then sometimes, I see such happy families and I wish i had such a happy family... people think i do... and i do....... BUT sometimes i feel like i'll never be accepted... (by p) and i feel like i just don't belong here. he never wants to stay with me or do anything with me or when we go somewhere (all of us) he always asks if we are going and if d says yes.. he'll just be like awe man... and i get very mad sometimes...... i should stop because he's a kid and theres no telling what people tell him about me and i don't care honestly... but OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON but ill stop just in case........... but it's really hard to go from my first marriage and practically raising the two kids i mean not really raising them but they always wanted to be with me to this marriage and the kid not wanting anything to do with me. Maybe its a part of me... me not wanting to be close to someone elses kid because of what happend the last time i got close to someone elses kids..... i dont know... but i really do treat him like my own...... i mean i try... if he'd let me i would... our family is like me and g... and then p and d... and people probly think i'm a bad person cuz i never take him anywhere with me... but i ask... i ask him all the time to go with me and he never wants to... there's so many things i want to say that have to do with this subject but here i go again holding it in... maybe i should let it out and i would feel better.... nah.. it would be like i was bad mouthing someone and i dont wanna do that and have everyone else read it. i'll just say some people just arent cut out to be moms.... HAHAH! and i'm talkin about myself... (NOT REALLY) sometimes i lie on here just so people don't think i'm talkin about them.... hahahahahah. i may not be a good mom but you know what i try! I could NEVER go a day without seeing my daughter and you know what I NEVER WILL!!!!!!!! and thats my new years resolution!!!!! hahaha. If i see my daughter being mean to someone you can guarantee she will be in trouble.. she seems to be tender hearted.. the one thing i truly love to see that i have instilled in her is to not lie! Sometimes when she doesnt wanna tell the truth about what happend she will say i dont remember... but then she will bust out bawling and tell the truth! She NEVER lies!!!!! that's one thing she better not EVER do!!!!! I was thinking last night that i was gonna make a resolution to not say ANY CUSS WORDS this year.... you think i can do that? i dont think i can... sometimes i get so mad at g and her whining that it slips... alot! HAHA! but i have to quit doing that and losing my temper with her.... i need to learn to stayyyyyy calm! count to 10! haha. but you know sometimes i have tried that and just tried to go to the other room and she will follow me screaming yelling at me!!!! and then i get even madder.... haha. anyways. so were you able to read my resolutions in all that jumble...... i hope not because i probably wont own up to any of them. i've had a lot of things on my mind lately... so this was fun because i havent wrote a blog in a while. guess what i have one more week off from grad classes and then bak to work! the two weeks off have been wonderful OH AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!????? I GOT AN A IN MY SECOND CLASS ALSO!!!!! so far I have 2 A's I'm so excited..i bet they just get harder and harder. but maybe not..... hmmm. alright i reckon thats all!!!! I have another new years resolution too i forgot! I need to save money!!!! Actually I'd rathers buy some cows first and then make money off of them to save.... that way i can spend all my paycheck! HAHAH! I need to buy a house this year! My very own house! I've never owned a house! neither has my hubby... maybe this is the year we will finally own a house! hahaha. alright ciao!!! by the way did you eat your hog jowls and black eyed peas? I DID!!! HAPPY NEW YEARS!