Secret Outlast

Got a free deodorant, must write a blog about it! Secret Outlast is great deodorant, you should try it. I have a coupon because I got to try it free! and it smells good and keeps you from stinking! yay! Thanks BzzAgent!

Now I remember why I always stay busy til late at night and why I always let G stay up past her bedtime and don't put her in bed unless I go to bed too.... Gahhhh! For one it's boring alone.... Lol. For 2 I If I stay busy I forget that I'm alone because G's company is enough for me, but 8 at night and she's in bed and it hits me that I'm alone... Ahhhhhhhh!!!! I don't care really I don't, but the past few months I've stayed so busy I haven't even had time to sit down and think. Then tonight I finally think it's going to be peaceful and I hate it. It's ridiculous. Too peaceful. Pity parties happen when I get peace....but you know what, it will make me go to bed early and catch up in my sleep. Finally. Haha! I try to find something to watch on tv and I hate it all. So I, watching G's shows imagine that... Ha! But you know what... I have it made... There are people who have lost husbands to death, there are people who have never been married..... I'm lucky because I've had that chance and now I know more about what to look for or what not to look for and the things that are red flags and lies and stupid stuff that people do. Anyways I have to say sometimes it's nice it have male companions, just someone to talk to because men think differently then women. I have the 7 best friends in the world that are girls and I can share stuff with them I can share with no one else, but sometimes there are things that men can tell you that seem to answer everything. I mean seriously. Men can judge other men better than a woman can. Men know what other men are up to. All men's minds are wired alike therefore a man is a better person to get advice about a man on... Haha! Ok that was weird, but seriously. Men can be some of the best friends in the world..... Plus I love men. Ya know ever since I was like 4 and opening the gates for the hot feed man or hurrying to the milk barn to see the hot milk man..... Oh my gosh I'm ridiculous..... HAHAHAHAHA! Ok well see I can always get myself away from my pity party by getting some humor in there..... Ok I'm done being a baby time to go to bed!

So I was drivin home from work earlier and I was thinkin..... Imagine that!! Wonder what I look like through other peoples eyes'? Isn't that weird that people see people differently? Sometimes personality changed someone's looks.... Sometimes someone thinks someone is sooooo pretty and someone else thinks they are ugly.... Isn't that weird??? And someone can be so beautiful when they are dressed up with tons of makeup on and look like a devil when they get out of the shower..... Isn't it weird how people don't like people if they aren't dressed up...... Gahhhhh get over it. God didn't create you with million dollar clothes and 10 pounds of makeup on your face!!! Ok anyways. Off that soapbox. But really have you ever wonder what people think you look like? Do they see the same thing you see in the mirror?? Have you ever wondered what kind of things people have heard about you that weren't true??? I wonder a lot of things all the time... Have you ever had someone tell you things because they are crazy??? They want you to feel like you're insane when in all honesty they are craaaaaaazy! People are crazy! Why are people so crazy! Okkkkkk loooooong meeting tomorrow and I need to catch up in tv before midnight.... Just had to let out some thoughts

What a day!!!!! Oh my gosh! Didn't we just start pre-k last week. Where in the world does time go? Holy cow. And I know the summer will fly by. Actually I bet it will drag by.... Bt it will fly at the same time. Weird how time can do that huh....? So guess what I've been doing lately.... Oh yea thinkng! I do a lot of that all the time and I have these awesome ideas... Sometimes. Sometimes they're not so awesome!! First of all let me tell you, tonight I patted Gracie to sleep about 830.... She went to sleep in like 5 minutes! It was awesome.. That hasn't happened in ages!!! Usually it's like 11 before she goes to sleep. So every night I Lay in bed because I think I'm so tired..... Well then I can't go to sleep...... So I lay in bed and think.... Until at least like midnight.... These crazy things run through my mind. Let me tell you the main one.... MEN!!!! HAHAHAHA! Jk. Kind of. I've never been in a relationship at all with a man who went to church..... I mean I have had men go to church because I want them to... Even had one get baptized with me.... Apparently that wasn't real.... Gahhhhh men can be soooo fake!!!! I will never make a man go to church with me..... They should already have that foundation built... Of course then there's me... I haven't been going to church because I just haven't found a place I belong yet.... I kind of have.... But .... Well just but.... Haha. My mom tells me all the time, next time you get a man I hope he is in church... Once upon a time a long long time ago i mean a really king time ago I went to church to chase boys..... Haha! I'm afraid that will happen again and that's why I haven't been going to church. Sometimes my mind gets focused in things they shouldn't be focused on. And you know what? I can admit that. There are people that wouldn't admit that, but I will. Church would be a good place to find a man, but I don't want that to be the reason I'm in church... Next. I love churches that sing loud ! Trinity has THE BEST song service EVER!!!!!! I've never experienced any singing that good in my life and the singing is super loud I looooooove it!!! I will say that's not the only reason I haven't been going to church, I can think of a lot of excuses, the main one is I'm too lazy... But also my daughter is a nuisance when she has to be quiet, and she won't go to kids church... Because she needs her mommy. I know if I made her start going she would be fine, but it don't want to make her go yet..... I would cry. I want her to like church but she hates it when she has to sit out there with me. I went to church last Wednesday and she went in the kids church by herself for like 5 minutes, then she came out looking for me.... But she wasn't crying!!! That's a start!!!!! Right?! If I could just find that 1 place I belong and loooooooooove going to and Gracie loves going to, my life would be perfect. Anyways. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and just wish I had someone to talk to because I have so much to say..... .. Blah blah blah. Boooooo hooooooo. Omg I just got thieves oil in my eye.... I think I'm going to. DIe!!!!!!! I talk all the time ya know... Sometimes I say things I shouldn't say..... Sometimes I'm rude..... Sometimes I'm loud and obnoxious, you know what if i say or do something to. Hurt anyone's feelings please know I didn't mean it. Sometimes my mouth is just out if control....... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! But you know what else, sometimes I'm quiet...... And when I should stand up for things I don't.... Because I don't want to hurt others feelings.. I would let myself get run over and hurt before I would hurt someone else. Sometimes it's hard to keep my mouth shut. But I have to. Anyways. Enough of my mouth! I guess I'm done because it's too hard to. Type on the iPad and for some reason this won't open on my computer! Ahhhhh GOOD NIGHT!!!

Well well well. I have to think about this before I write it because I don't wanna be too evident in what I am actually saying.... Haha! In other words I don't want any drama so I will not say what I really wanna say. Darn it. Sooo.... As I am about to finish one chapter in my life, I am actually closing the page in another chapter also. Not only am I done with my masters (almost), I think I am also ready to move on in other aspects of my life. When the truth comes about about things a new light shines and allows us to see the darkness that was really there. I am letting go of that darkness!!!! Finally! I cannot believe how big of an idiot I am and how big of an idiot the other person has been. I truly care for that person but OH MY GOSH! Wake up! When you find out one thing that has happened it makes you question so many more things throughout the time you had together. I will say this.... No woman deserves to be with a man who is sleeping with another woman... That's just ridiculous. Noooo woman, no matter how bad she may be deserves that!!!! Men think with their 3rd leg and I have come to the conclusion that they ALL do!!!! Come on men, you have a real brain, use it! Ok so I'm sure not all men do, I guess I could say all single men do... And they have the right to I guess because they are single they can do what they want. But if they have a woman, in no way is that right. Oh my goodness! Anyways next subject... With that said let me come out and confirm that the past 3 1/2 years of my life were NOT a game.... I would never play games with men, I'm not about that. I know some women are, but I'm not. I have also came to the conclusion that if people will talk to you about other people, they will talk to other people about you. I have never known such 2 faced people in my life, and here I am talking about no one specific, but just people. What satisfaction do you get by making up lies about someone just because things didn't go the way you wanted? Or probably didn't want anyways... Heck I don't know. I just don't like gossip and drama. I know there are people I tell my stuff too and those are people I trust, but those are also the people I would never talk about behind their back. I don't talk about too many people, but when I do, I only tell those special people that I trust, I don't do it to start rumors or drama. Why has life come to that. It's like cool or something to talk about people..... Ummm noooooo it's not. I've never been into that and I never will be. And I may not be the bravest person in the world but I will ask that if you are spreading rumors about me please stop, it's stupid. And so far none of the ones I have heard were true..... If it was true it wouldn't be a problem... But I can't take the lies. And what really gets me is that there's always 2 sides.... So I'm sure there are people who believe that crap. But all my friends and family know that it's not true... #1 I'd never cheat on someone with my daughters father.... I haven't seen the dude in 5 years!!! So why would I risk what I have right now....#2 I would never marry someone to play a game or to just try and change them... That's just idiotic. But there is one thing I can say, if you marry someone I believe both people should be able to give a little and take a little. A relationship is about 2 people not 1. When you get married, that makes you 1.... You have to think about more than just yourself.. (I'm talking to myself also.. This is just In general no specifics here)! I have to say here I have nothin to lose, I can say things now. I can say anything I want!!! Oh isn't that awesome. But I won't.... Cuz I'm a nice person. I have such a story to tell! Actually 2 or 3 and oh man I'd love to tell them.... But I can't... Just remember if you start dating someone and people constantly slam the ex..... Same thing will happen to you if you ever become the ex.... Here is something important to remember..... Never talk about your ex.... You are starting a new chapter in your life and there's no need to even bring that up... I mean maybe you can say why it didn't work, but no dissing them..... That is not classy. I do have 1 ex that I can most definitely dis.... And I have plenty of reasons... But the other, I will never say a bad word about him unless I say it to him.... And I have.... So..... Yea. I have held things in that make me wanna blow up.... I have cried over stupidity... Apparently been used.... And left crying every time, knowing that it would never work out.... But in my mind I thought maybe I could hold on in that way.... And apparently no two minds think alike...... Oh well. Life goes on... Even if sometimes we feel like it can't go on anymore.... Yes I've been there. In these times of people spreading lies and rumors, while I'm still trying to hold on to something .... I felt like life just couldn't go on, but you know what you just always have to remember life does go on. Even though I am the idiot who messed up in the first place I tried to make things work in the end.... But others had different plans and that's ok... But just remember the next time you say something about someone how much that person may have been struggling with the situation... Instead of spreading rumors or lies or gossip how about offer some encouragement. I got a card from my secret person at school and it was the best thing I have received in a long time! So inspirational. so thanks to whoever you are, you made my day, possibly my year.... You know why people kill themselves? Probably because no one offered to help.... Everyone just continues to push them over the edge..... Now no I was never that bad and I would NEVER even consider killing myself....BUUUUT, I can see why people would. No one wants to help. People would rathers be the IT who knows everything and can spread anything.... Wouldn't it be amazing to know you made the difference in just one persons life though? Why would you want to try to harm someone? You know I'm a tough person and I've held tears in numerous times in the last several months, but there are times I just haven't been able to hold them in. Sometimes life is hard but keep lookin up, you will make it through the storm!!!

oh man oh man oh man

In a perfect world there are butterflies and flowers! In a perfect world our kids would play and let us relax when we needed. In a perfect world everyone would have someone to spend the rest of their life with and all of their emotions for each other were exactly the same and both of the peoples needs were met and everyone was happy. In a perfect world everyone loves God and believes in God and follows his will and Commandments, there would be no deaths, no sins, no poor, no sadness, no tears. In a perfect world, we would walk on streets of gold and bounce around on fluffy clouds. Do you know what this perfect world is that I'm speaking of? Well not all of it, but most of it. Heaven! If you want to see perfection one day, then get right with God and you will see the perfection in life that you've always wanted to see. On earth you face struggles you think you will never overcome. You know what? You will overcome it. The feeling will go away someday. The pain will end. Whether you want it to or not, it will. God can save you from everything you've ever faced. There will be trials, but you just gotta suck it up and be tough. I've went my whole entire life with people thinking I'm tough, I don't cry... but I do, probly more than most people think. You know what, I've probably had the worst adult life of anyone ever! Yea ok probably not, but I've made bad choices and I've dealt with them, I didn't want to suck it up, I wanted to drown myself in pity, and I did for a while. But you know what.... there's no need in living life begging for pity, whether it be from yourself or someone else! That's why peoples lives are so messed up. you know what I live by myself with G and I'm bored all the time, so I never stay home because I hate being home alone! Who cares, you only live once, go do something. Although I feel I'm missing out on a lot of G's childhood because we are ALWAYS on the go now. We always find somewhere to go. I should stay home and enjoy this time I get to have with her. I just feel so wore out these days and there's no reason I should. I haven't stayed up late, I haven't got up too too early. I've actually been getting quite a bit of sleep, i think I'm just emotionally drained maybe? You know what? I'm getting better. I've reached a part of the obstacle that pushed me over the edge instead of back down the mountain. I'm satisfied with life right now and when the right man comes along then so be it, but I'm not going to go looking around for one. I think in order to be happy in a marriage, a person first must be happy with themselves. I think since my first marriage I've just been so pushed down and bogged down and I haven't been happy with myself at all since then. I think I've come to a point in my life I've realized that being happy is the only way a person can be successful in life. I will never be rich, i wish i was but that will never happen. I dont care about money, money doesn't make you happy! God and family and friends are the three things that can keep you happy in life! That's it. You may think money makes you happy, and maybe it does, but if you had money but no God and no friends and no family then what do you have? a nice house, a boat and a 4wheeler? well who you gonna go fish with? Who you gonna talk to when you feel that you have nothing left? no one. you have no God to talk to, no friend to talk to or no family. I am rich in love! I am loved by so many people! I have so many friends and family that I am so thankful for and if it wasn't for them, I probably would've given up a long time ago! I would've still been stuck in a life with a lying cheating husband (first one), who choke slams me when he doesn't get his way! There are some things that I hate about my past, but oh well. The past is the past, push on! MOVE ON! If you don't move, no one is going to move you! "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." If you don't wanna grow you will be stuck right where you are the rest of your life! God has blessed us with such an amazing life and if you dont want to take advantage of it then dont, but one day wyou will wake up at the gates of heaven and youll think man? how'd i get here? Life goes by before you know it. I'm 27! howd that happen? I can remember when my parents were 30! and they were old! Now they're over 50! now they're REALLY OLD! hahahahah! You never know when you're going to run off the road and die, or when someone is going to run into you and life is over. Just like that. It happens everyday in a flash. No one expects it. But you know what, you can live free if you have God. You don't have to worry about when you're going to die, because you can live forever in heaven if you know God! Life doesn't have to end. I've had so many disappointments in my life. I should give up right? I don't think so. Did God say give up? 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 says we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; persectuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed. What if God had given up on us? What if we couldn't look forward to an eternal life? What would we have to look forward to? We would have nothing..... I don't really get it. You know heaven is something that is hard to grasp... it really is and i've wrote a past blog on this, so i won't go into it. But God is there and he'll always be there. God was on the throne before the US started going downhill and hes still on the Throne! It's the people that are allowing the devil to takeover! God is in control and he knows what's going on... we don't. If you live by God's word everyday, you have nothing to worry about! Just raise your children the way they should be raised! Don't show them your weakness, be strong for those guys! They are the future! Take them to church, let them learn about God because one day they will have to do it on their own! I have sheltered myself and daughter from things, because I've been afraid of running into people, you know what, I shouldn't stop doing things just because I'm scared! God has a plan! God will protect us! I pray every night that God will protect us from evil! And usually there is one particular evil that i am speaking of! And you know what 4 1/2 years later... we're still protected from him (or it). God is there. He's real. He's the only One who has kept me and my daughter away from EVIL BEING! He has a wall around us to protect us from him!!! I've sinned, I've failed, I've done everything wrong, but God will not let down my Gracie! He will protect her! I believe that God will protect her for me! Ok I probably lost some of you there with the EVIL. Evil = her father... in my book. Anyways. that's all on that rant! I've been trying to write a blog for weeks now but everytime G went to bed I'd get tired and just wanna sleep, but I'd have all these thoughts running through my head! There are so many more things I want to share, but I cant. Some things are private and I'd rathers not ruin anyone else's day or life, so ill keep that to myself. I have to say in my book, men are pigs!!!! not hogs, they don't even deserve that title..... little sissy pigs. hahahah! ok I'm sure there are just as many women who are that way too... haha! I may be one of them! LOL! My head has been going crazy! Lately I've felt like oh my gosh I need some attention (so make sure you let me know what you think of my blog... haha)! I really don't but sometimes it gets lonely..... pooooooooor me! haha not really! UPDATE!!!!! So my masters, i haven't complained about that in a while! I have 1 week left of this class... and then my capstone! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???? I'M GOING TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it. Praise the Lord! The devil tried to get me down but it didn't work! Sucker!!!! I really can't believe I'm done! Except my capstone and I've heard its the worst part of it all... but oh well! Hopefully this week is my last Wednesday/Sunday whiny day week... haha. My mind is overflowing with information right now by the way. I'm just so excited about some things and so anxious for things and just so brainy. My brain won't quit thinking. It's crazy! Goodness gracious! I should stop though before I rant any longer and this becomes boring....... that would be terrible. You know let me tell you something else i heard the other day.... Have you ever heard of an Askhole? It's someone who asks for advice but doesn't take it! Really if you don't want to hear peoples advice don't ask! Some people I've got tired of giving advice because it will have no influence on their decision whatsoever! Its ridiculous! Gotta add this too! I have a HUGE secret about someone! A friend.... And I CAN'T TELL! I'M DYING TO TELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh yea by the way she told me to put that... hahaha jk! But I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I CAN TELL THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!